Verse Text
yathā vā –
dhig dīrghe nayane mamāstu mathurā yābhyāṁ na sā prekṣyate
vidyeyaṁ mama kiṅkarī-kṛta-nṛpā kālas tu sarvaṅkaraḥ |
lakṣmī-keli-gṛhaṁ gṛhaṁ mama hahā nityaṁ tanuḥ kṣīyate
sadmany eva hariṁ bhajeya hṛdayaṁ vṛndāṭavī karṣati || atra nirveda-garva-śaṅkā-dhṛti-viṣāda-maty-autsukyānāṁ śāvalyam | ||246||
Translation
Here there is a combination of nirveda (self-contempt), garva (pride), śaṅkā (apprehension), dhṛti (steadiness), viṣāda (despair), mati (contemplation) and autsukya (impatience). My long eyes are unfortunate since they do not see Mathurā. My learning has made kings into servants. Time devours everything, but my house is the playground of Lakṣmī. Yet how unfortunate I am! My body grows thinner day by day. Therefore, I should sit in my house and worship the Lord but my heart is attracted to Vṛndāvana.
Purport (Nectar of Devotion)
One householder devotee once said, “My Lord, I am so wretched that these two eyes are never desiring to see the glorious city of Mathurā. Therefore, my eyes are actually condemned. I am nicely educated, but my education has simply been used in government service. I have not considered formidable time, stronger than anything else, which creates and annihilates everything. To whom shall I leave all of my wealth and fortune? I am becoming older and older. What shall I do? Shall I execute devotional service from here at home? This I cannot do, because my mind is being attracted by the transcendental land of Vṛndāvana.”
This is an instance of hopelessness, pride, doubt, patience, lamentation, determination and eagerness—an aggregation of seven different symptoms in ecstatic love for Kṛṣṇa.
There is a proverb in Sanskrit which says, “Disappointment gives rise to the greatest satisfaction.” In other words, when one’s sentiment or ambition becomes too great and is not fulfilled until after seemingly hopeless tribulation, that is taken as the greatest satisfaction.