Devanagari
किं मयाचरितं भद्रं किं तप्तं परमं तप: ।
किं वाथाप्यर्हते दत्तं यद्द्रक्ष्याम्यद्य केशवम् ॥ ३ ॥
Verse text
kiṁ mayācaritaṁ bhadraṁ
kiṁ taptaṁ paramaṁ tapaḥ
kiṁ vāthāpy arhate dattaṁ
yad drakṣyāmy adya keśavam
Synonyms
kim
—
what
;
mayā
—
by me
;
ācaritam
—
has been performed
;
bhadram
—
good works
;
kim
—
what
;
taptam
—
suffered
;
paramam
—
severe
;
tapaḥ
—
austerity
;
kim
—
what
;
vā
—
or else
;
atha api
—
otherwise
;
arhate
—
worship performed
;
dattam
—
charity given
;
yat
—
by which
;
drakṣyāmi
—
I am going to see
;
adya
—
today
;
keśavam
—
Lord Kṛṣṇa .
Translation
[Śrī Akrūra thought:] What pious deeds have I done, what severe austerities undergone, what worship performed or charity given so that today I will see Lord Keśava?
Translation (Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura)
[Śrī Akrūra thought:] What pious deeds have I done, what severe austerities undergone, what worship performed or charity given so that today I will see Lord Keśava?
KB 10.38.3
He did not know what sort of pious activities he must have performed to gain an opportunity to go see Lord Kṛṣṇa and Lord Balarāma in Vṛndāvana on that day.
Purport (Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura)
Akrura began to consider in great bliss. "What have I possibly done by which I have been qualified to see the Lord?"
Purport (Jiva Goswami)
Akrūra began thinking while displaying various sañcāri-bhāvas until the 23 verse. He speaks joyfully while questioning (harṣa and vitarka sañcāri-bhāvas). What supreme good acts among all worship of the Lord and what supreme vows for the Lord (tapaḥ) did I perform? Or did I do all of that (vā atha)? The order of superiority is worship, vows and giving. Because of those acts (yad) I will see the Lord of Brahmā (ka) and Śiva (īśa), who rarely see him, and I will see him today. The charity (dattam) was to suitable candidates, great devotees. Or I gave to a person worthy of worship. Because of this alone I will see the Lord. Though I am most fallen I performed these acts.
Purport (Sanatana Goswami)
His thoughts are revealed. This continues till verse 23. What pious acts like sacrifices did I do? What actions giving fearlessness to all beings did I perform (taptam)? What actions without pride or desire did I do, or what meditation on the Lord did I do (paramam tapaḥ)? Paramam can modify all the words.
“But without great mercy, this is not possible.” Thinking in this way he tries to think of an alternative (kiṁ vā). Atha can mean athavā (or) or it can indicate auspiciousness. It must have been from charity (dattam)? Or it could not be charity either. The list of items is in order of increasing excellence. Because of this I will see the original person (keśavam) or he who killed Keśī, today.
Or what did I do? I am most fallen (api). I must have done something, otherwise I could not see the Lord today. Or I have done nothing. One cannot see the Lord by charity etc. Why am I able to see the Lord today?